Feb 18 2012

Like the swallows to Capistrano…

The harbingers of Spring – like the swallows returning to Capistrano every year, we in the Poconos have our own annual migration to anticipate. Unfortunately, unlike sparrows, this particular breed of animal talks, walks and generally finds many more ways to make it obvious they are here. I speak of New Yorkers. That species of homo erectus that hasn’t quite made it as far up the evolutionary ladder – unless of course you solicit their own opinion of what they know and how much they can provide you insight into that which is around us. From that vantage point, they have moved far beyond the rest of us, so much so they are above most rules that have been established to help maintain order and decorum as we intermingle.

As I ventured out this morning it hit me clearly between the eyes as our main thoroughfare again resembled a parking lot, only to be disturbed by those cars (mostly with those hideous orange and black NY plates) who felt the rules didn’t really apply to them – u-turns across the highway, no blinkers, pulling over with no warning, using the turning lane as the means to move a bit quicker to some unknown left turn that we “assume” exists somewhere down the road. Time to begin to take the back roads – there they can only drive with their wheels across the center line and share your side of the road – especially around curves.

I also got to experience them outside of their car. I made my Saturday morning trip to the local grocery store. As my family knows, I rarely can seem to venture out without returning with some story of some idiot that I encountered – and they were out there as usual this morning but there was one person in particular that stood out – and so appropriately given it was a New Yorker. I was one checkout lane over from her and her two kids. How did I know she was one of them? Actually pretty easy – we don’t usually get the attractive ones out here – she was big – everything was big – her hair, her clothes, her butt, her mouth, her kids. You would think that being that unattractive you wouldn’t want to be attracting any more attention than necessary. Well, that is also one of the distinguishing characteristics of a New Yorker – they don’t see themselves that way, they don’t care who is around them and, because they are higher on the evolutionary scale, all the rest of us around them don’t really matter. This particular lady had an issue with her olives. There weren’t enough on the cold cut tray she had purchased so she was making it very clear to the checker (as well as everyone else in the front half of the store – and it is a relatively big store) that someone had told her she could get additional calamata olives at no extra charge – not just any olives but calamata olives – and did I mention at no extra cost to her. No matter what the checker asked her as the checker was trying to get to the core issue on her plate – how to ring up the olives – the women essentially felt the explanation she gave should suffice and just continued to repeat it again and again. She had started checking out before I did and she was still there as I left so I didn’t get the opportunity to watch the end of the show. I do think that checker should be put up for some sort of medal to honor her patience – not sure I could have been as nice as she remained. Actually I am sure I couldn’t.

You might ask, “why would that be your business or bother you at all” – a fair question, one that I’ve been asked by those around me on numerous ocassions. It probably shouldn’t but there are a couple of reasons. First, at this point in my life, there are alot fo things that just annoy me on general principle. Second, I have this notion that in a public place, people should be cognizant of others around them and respect that right that we all have not to have to listen to more noise pollution than necessary. You can yell when something is on fire – not sure I need to know you have an issue with calamata olives. Third, I also watched (and heard) her basically embarass the hell out of her daughter because she wasn’t emptying the cart in the manner the mother felt was right. And she did it equally loud – maybe more so given she had to yell over the distance of the cart and form the end of the check out lane as she had to keep wandering down there to makes sure the bagger was bagging to her specifications. And lastly, I just find New Yorkers to be generally obnoxious, rude, and annoying. I just see a NY license plate and I have a visceral reaction – kind of like a rat after spending some time in a Skinner box.

And it is only February.

Feb 17 2012

What is Good (at least for me)…

These are times that often annoy me beyond belief. I watch what the country seems to value (or not) as important, I see the “role models” many seem to glom on to (Snooky – really?), I look at the issues that take national attention (the fact that availability of birth control for women is still a topic is a national disgrace – what is it 1959?), I see Rick Santorum (gag!!!) is actually being looked at as the Republican front runner (who actually thinks the Republican Party isn’t in trouble? Even Reagan is spinning in his grave), I watch as there are arguments around things cost too much and taxes are too high but yet no one wants to give up anything on their side – what is the deal? Are people really this stupid? The formula is actually pretty simple – someone has to pay for everything that is received – no matter what. Simple law – everything costs and there is no magic. You don’t like outsourcing and want the jobs back in the US – well, then expect to pay more – hard to find people in the US that will take a job that pays $3500 annually – keep in mind that labor costs make up the vast majority of most company costs.
But I digress – my original thought today was really how much I need to refocus back on that which is really important and that which gives me solace in the mess that is around me. When I look at that which I control (only in the broadest sense – I really control little – it’s really where I have influence and the results of my actions end up with something good), I actually can feel good – great wife and marriage (31+ years), two amazing, stand-out kids (well, not really kids anynore – successful adults at this point), a career that is well beyond anything I ever imagined, nice house, well positioned for retirement, I could go on and on but why rub it in. Was I lucky? In some ways – but only really when it came to finding my life partner – I recognize that finding that special one is basically a crap shoot – there is a bit of luck involved but one also needs to recognize when you find that person and you need to act accordingly…and I did. I am who I am today because of her – and I never forget it.
There are those who would look at the rest of my life and say I was lucky in most everything else. Easy to do because it gives them an excuse for why they aren’t at the same place. I’ve already heard “you’re lucky you have good kids” – well, I am lucky but they aren’t good kids because it just happened. We actually did what parents are supposed to do – we actively raised them, we made hard decisions when we needed to, we disciplined when needed and meant what we said when we threatened, we spent time with them, we supported their activities and actions, we went to bat for them when they were right and we held then accountable when they weren’t. And we loved them and they knew it no matter what.

One of my favorite photos

I can go on and on – but the message is clear – It just doesn’t happen – you need to work at it. Whether it is your marriage, your kids, your job, who you are as a person – you can’t wait for it to happen elsewhere, you can’t delegate it to others, you need to take ownership. I recognize I still have a lot of work to do and a bit of distance to cover but at least I’m on the journey. Seems simple in concept but it means you need to work and expend energy – something that seems to be an issue with many in today’s world. They expect it because there is a sense of entitlement. Not sure where it came from or why but I believe it is at the core of much of our problem as a society and culture.

But again, my life is good – with that mantra I can deal with most anything – Even the stupid bastards out there that are always getting in my way –

Feb 15 2012

Whitney – Let’s all take a breath

Okay – here we go again. We have a performer – no doubt one with great talent and ability, who has managed to find an expedited path out of this world as a result of personal decisions around both a hedonistic and narcissitic existence. The reaction to her death seems to be out of bounds given her contribution to the world (as well as her own demise). Yes, this is a waste and it is a sad ending but it is a bit too much when one looks at those whose lives have actually had profound impact on the life of others. Yes, music has long been important to me for what it says and how it makes me feel and I recognize the talent and ability that few of us possess but let’s try to get a perspective.

When I hear how hard her life was, the stress and constant worry about remaining successful, all the stress with which she needed to deal, I have to somehow shake my head and wonder if it really was that much harder than what most hard working people experience. Different, yes – harder, not so sure. Many of us work hard, we typically lose sleep and stress over our success (or challenges to it), we work hard to cover our responsibilities on and off our job – and we do it without a cast of supporting characters, without others to manage the mundane day to day obligations, we pick up our own drycleaning. We do it without making astronomical salaries. We do it without resorting to drugs and alcohol as a means to cope. Most of us don’t have the the time nor the resources to even make that possible. But more importantly, most of us have made the choice to step up to the roles and jobs we have chosen and to cover those responsibilities pretty much sober and without crutches.
And when something goes wrong or doesn’t work as planned, we actually take personal responsibility for it – it’s not about excuses.

It is time we, as a society, remove the pedestals we have put in place for those who have attained celebrity status – whether that be in the world of music, movies, TV, sports, etc. Maybe if we focused less on those who live outside of the “real” world, we could actually look more internally and realize it isn’t really that bad after all.

Feb 14 2012

and so it begins

I initially thought it was just me. Just me getting older, more rigid and less forgiving. But as I starting actually talking about it, I found I was not the only one thinking that there has been a shifting of the way people interact with each other. In a time of increasing dependence on social media (sorry, I’m not there yet), it would seem that in person, people actually have less and less to do with those around them – almost like no one else exists. In reality, it is really more that I think most people have reached a point where they only consider themselves, what they need (want) and expend little, if any, energy in recognizing others with whom they interact, directly or indirectly.

I think times have gotten tougher than most any other time in my life (if I take personal challenges that are a normal part of development out of consideration) and the conditions and challenges we deal with are probably more complicated and impactful than most people in this country have seen in at least my lifetime. That is almost an excuse – but not really. Tough times call for flexibility, resolve and finding the path forward – not getting rude and obnoxious, not failing to recognize that ignoring those around you might feel better but actually decrements the overall human experience. And it’s not the hard stuff. It is the easy stuff – not using your blinker when coming up to a turn, walking two across in an aisle that is only wide enough for two – and not adjusting when someone is coming from the other direction, leaving your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle while you wander off looking for something, leaving your mess on a table in the mall food court, leaving your shopping cart in the parking space next to your car – worse yet when that space is a handicapped space. I could go on and on but I expect you can all easily come up with those examples that make you shake your head in disbelief. Unless of course you are one of them.
I think it is time to raise our collective voice and call these people out. Make it clear it is unacceptable. A tough step forward given most of these people are either stupid, ignorant, in denial or worse yet, don’t really care (or all of the above).

Make it known that we are all not like that. If we can’t get the easy stuff, the hard stuff that really is difficult becomes impossible – and I don’t want to believe that.