No – this one isn’t about Santorum (but I expect we probably could but chronically brain dead isn’t necessarily a handicapped category).  I’m talking about the number of people who have managed to finagle one of those handicapped plates or tags that allow them to park close to the grocery store, the mall entrance, the casino – whatever – and there are not really handicapped in the true sense of the word and as it was originally meant to cover.  As much of a shit that I can be in believing that most people are actually manipulating the system to get some sort of perk or advantage, you have to admit that this thought has crossed your mind – at least 50 times when you’ve been looking for a parking space and you notice that person who appears to be pretty able-bodied park and scurry into the store or whatever.  I’ve heard it many times that not all handicaps are visually obvious (back to Rick Santorum) but, c’mon, you know that a good number of these people seem to be pretty much intact when you see them tooling around the grocery store with no apparent problem.  Does that mean they don’t have any physical challenges – no – but in my world if you can wander around a mall, casino or a large grocery store without assistance then you really don’t qualify for that special sticker or plate.  You might say “well, just confront them”.  Think about that – to prove what?  Unless they are carrying a Dr’s note or whatever, there is really nothing to be gained here…and even if you are right, they are not going to change on their own.  If they would, they wouldn’t be parking in a handicap space anyhow.

The issue and resolution lies in several places.  First, people should stop figuring they are owed something and it’s okay to beat the system – no matter how they rationalize it.  Okay – that is not going to happen but one can dream.  We should also hold doctors to a bit of a higher standard when it comes to signing those papers needed to get the state to issue the plate or tag.   Okay – also highly unlikely the doctors are going to change – much easier to just write out the approval than to actually spend time in discussion as to what a handicap really is – and those office business managers assume a certain throughput on patient processing.  Maybe we should see if we can get tougher enforcement of the rules at the state level – like at the DMV – we know all those people are willing to step up and help.

Given the unlikely scenarios above, we will likely need to re-define the definition of “handicapped” as well as set some new rules.

• Being fat and lazy shouldn’t count as a handicapped condition.  It is obvious that some of these people could use the extra walking to drop a few of those extra pounds.
• If you are well enough to smoke, you should forfeit your ability to be in that camp.
• If you can drive a Hummer or a small sports car, you really shouldn’t be able to call yourself handicapped – especially considering what it takes to just ge tin or out of one of them.
• Just driving the car with the tag doesn’t give you the right to use the HC parking space. Hey – sorry that one of your relatives might be one of the people that are really handicapped but you being a lazy asshole doesn’t given you the right to abuse the privilege.
• The cost to get a handicapped tag or plate should be proportional to the handicap.  It should not be “one size fits all”.  If you have to use a wheelchair or walker to get around, we can start at no extra cost (beyond the normal processing fee in your state).  If you are just fat and that is causing the issue with you not being able to walk 200 ft, then maybe an extra $1,000 – and make that a yearly charge.  Side benefit is that there will be less to spend on food.
• It should be set that each tag or sticker needs to be renewed every year – there is no option for permanent. How many people do you think are using tags from those who are no longer with us? Might also make doctors a little less willing to ease the path if they need to fill out the form every year.
• Make it a requirement to have a copy of all the paperwork (including the dr. note) in the car with the tag.
• Put a bounty on people who abuse the system – if you identify someone who really shouldn’t be using the tag, you get $25.  Also will need a 1-800 number set up where one can call (or maybe a site where a picture of the license plate can be texted).
• Bring back caning as a punishment for those caught illegally using a tag.

I know there will be those who will find it rather low to pick on handicapped people.  I would submit that I’m not.  I’m going after those lowlifes who park in spaces they shouldn’t really be in and take away that privilege from those who really need it.

End of the day, aren’t you starting to really get tired of all those people taking the easy route?